A family court case can be a very emotional experience because cases involve very sensitive issues and greatly impact people’s personal lives. Spouses who once were in love now may have to fight with their spouses over an estate they built together over the years. Parents whose world revolves around their children might now have to accept that they will not see their kids every day. A family law case might unearth new truths, such as infidelity, drug addictions, or sexual abuse, that shocks a party. People oftentimes feel like the aspects of their lives that were always constant are now changing before their eyes and they struggle to cope. The following frequently asked questions will provide greater insight into how you can prepare emotionally for a family court case.
Q: Are these emotions “normal”?
People going through a family law case, such as a divorce or child custody, often experience a variety of feelings, including resentment, relief, depression, or uncertainty. No two people feel the same emotions going through a family court case because no two cases or people are alike. It is important to acknowledge your feelings and recognize them as valid. Remember, it is important to take accountability but do not place unnecessary blame on yourself because you are already going through a tough time. No one, including attorneys, expect a person to go through a family court case emotionless. Try not to make yourself feel bad for experiencing certain feelings or not experiencing others. By accepting your emotions, you can begin to work through them in a healthy and productive way.
Q: What professionals should I seek assistance from during my family court case to help me navigate my emotions?
People oftentimes can benefit from seeking assistance from a licensed mental health providers, such as a counselors or therapists, before, during, and after their family court case. It would work for your benefit to establish a relationship with a therapist prior to starting your family law case or toward the beginning of the case in the event your case becomes more difficult as time goes on. Do some research into therapists in your area who specialize in helping people navigate family related legal issues. These therapists can use their wealth of knowledge to help people navigate tough emotional issues surrounding their legal case. A mental health provider can give clients coping mechanisms and help talk through issues the client experiences in their case to assist the client in moving forward with their life. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help. Seeing a counselor or therapist does not mean that you are weak. It means that you have accepted you can’t go through this challenging time alone.
Q: Why do I need a therapist when I have an attorney?
Though an attorney is often considered a counselor, that does not make them licensed mental health professionals. Family law attorneys have extensive experience working with clients who went through emotional events, such as divorce. Attorneys stand ready to hear their client’s issues and provide support. However, clients must remember that attorneys help clients navigate their family law case from a legal perspective. Attorneys are not the same as a licensed mental health professional who are specifically trained in providing mental healthcare services.
Q: How can I help my children during the pending family law case?
Unfortunately, children oftentimes find themselves at the center of many family law cases. This can create unnecessary stress, anxiety, and guilt for children. If you are a parent going through a family law case with children, you should sit down with your children, with the child’s other parent if possible, and have an open, honest, and loving conversation about what your children can expect going forward. It is better for children to hear about things that might alter their lives from their parents rather than someone else. Children might feel confused and struggle to understand what is going on. Parents need to make sure to practice patience and remember that while you are experiencing a difficult time, you child may also be struggling. Children oftentimes benefit from seeing a mental health specialist because they have an opportunity to discuss their issues with someone who is not part of the family. Children might not want to openly share their feelings and emotions with family members, but would feel comfortable speaking with an outside third party. Similar with adults, a therapist can talk through the emotions the child experiences and give the child coping mechanisms to manage their stress, anxiety, or depression caused by the family law case.
Q: Should I tell my family about my case?
The decision of whether or not to share information concerning your legal case with your family depends on your relationship with your family members. If you think your family will react negatively, you are under no obligation to tell them about your pending legal matter. However, telling a supportive family about your legal case can provide you with a support system that many people need when going through a family law case. Family members cannot replace a therapist, but they can provide clients with additional people they can lean on emotionally during a case.
Q: Is self-care actually important?
People throw around the term “self-care” a lot these days, but the truth is that you will need to make sure you prioritize taking care of yourself during your family law case. Taking care of oneself varies from person to person. For some people, journaling can help them better understand their emotions and develop strategies on how to cope with what they are feeling moving forward. Other people take care of themselves by working out, visiting with friends, or taking up a new hobby. Think of something you have been wanting to do for awhile, such as taking a pottery class, joining a new gym, or taking a weekend trip to visit a friend, and set aside time to do it. By setting aside time for yourself, you can remind yourself that while you might be experiencing increased stress, anxiety, depression, or other negative emotions right now, these feelings will not last forever.
Q: What are other ways I can emotionally prepare for my family law case?
An important thing to remember is that most of the time you are not guaranteed a certain outcome in your family law matter. What might seem straight forward at first, can ultimately turn into a complex issue. For example, if you initiate a divorce proceeding, you can expect to get divorced, but you do not know how the court will order conservatorship or possession and access in relation to your children or divide your marital estate. You should emotionally prepare for all the different outcomes of your family law matter. Ask your attorney for their honest feedback about how they think your legal case might turn out, but also acknowledge that your attorney cannot predict the outcome of your case. You can also reach out to friends, family members, or support groups to understand other people’s experience with similar family law cases. Just remember, no two cases are alike. The more you familiarize yourself with all the possible legal outcomes for your case, the better you can start to emotionally prepare for the worst case scenarios so you are not caught off guard. It is also important to remember that you can only control so much. You cannot control your spouse, their emotions or reactions, or even their actions. You also can’t control the Judge’s outcome in a case. You must solely focus on you can do and change.
In the end, remember to be patient with yourself as you navigate this emotional time in your life. While a family law case can be difficult, the case will eventually come to an end with a resolution. Establish a support system of friends, family, and a therapist who can help you not only cope with your family law case, but also help you move forward in a healthy way.